Sunday, January 10, 2016

Belated Happy Birthday, Madness!

Mal's birthday story

"You know, Nurse Ratchet, some quality reading material could make both of our lives better."

Rose swam back to consciousness slowly, confused by a man's voice. It was Major Lorne or Colonel Marshall. Where was she? What was going on? Then her surroundings came into focus - white ceiling, machines beeping, gray curtains. She was in the infirmary. Dr. Frasier stood over her. 

"How are you feeling, sergeant?"

There it was, the inevitable penlight in the eyes. Rose frowned and squinted. "Like I was at the bottom of an Unas dog-pile, ma'am."

Dr. Frasier smiled. "Glad you have a sense of humor, sergeant."

It was Major Carter who said, "When you're feeling better, Sergeant Edwards, I think Dr. Jackson wants a detailed report from you about the recreation habits of juvenile Unas."

Dr. Frasier turned. "Major?"

"Sergeant Edwards was stationed at the naquadah mine worked by the Unas and overseen by SG-11," Carter said. "Apparently the Unas are now comfortable enough with a human presence to allow us to interact with their children."

Dr. Frasier blinked. "Oh. So when you said --"

"Juvenile Unas are bigger than a fully-grown adult human," Rose said, "and Major Lorne apparently played football at the Air Force Academy."

From the other side of the privacy curtain, a man said, "Carter, do you have any comics?"

Carter's face lit up before she smoothed her expression into one of patient exasperation. "I'll be with you in one moment, sir."

Oh. Colonel O'Neill was in the other bed. Had SG-1 been off-world? Nothing too terrible could have happened if Dr. Jackson was still alive. "I'm fine," Rose said, "if you need to see to Colonel O'Neill --"

"He's fine," Dr. Frasier said calmly. "Dr. Jackson brought him plenty of reading material."

"Reports are not reading material," O'Neill said.

"They need to be done, sir," Carter said. She started to turn, but Dr. Frasier caught her arm. 

"Sergeant Edwards has been through a lot, tackled by multiple Unas," Dr. Frasier said. "With these fractured ribs and other bruised bones, she's going to be on light duty for a while, and I probably need to run a few more scans about her injuries."

Rose frowned. "What did they tell you about my injuries?"

"Colonel Marshall told me you fell near the mines." Dr. Frasier exchanged a significant look with Carter.

"I did fall near the mines," Rose conceded. "But half a dozen young Unas fell on top of me. Major Lorne evaded tackling, however."

Dr. Frasier raised her voice and cooed, "You poor thing. Unas are terribly fierce. Let's get you back in for some X-rays, and then say, Major Carter, are you busy?"

Carter looked confused, but she said gamely, "Not especially, why?"

"After Sergeant Edwards is done with tests, I think she needs some especial looking after," Dr. Frasier said. "I think Cassie left her copy of Life in my office. We could play a few rounds."

Carter blinked, and Dr. Frasier nodded in the direction of the privacy curtain - and who lay beyond it.

Ah, Carter mouthed. "Sounds good. We haven't had a chance to have some good old girl bonding in a long time."

"Excellent! Now, about those scans..."

An hour later, Rose was back in her hospital bed, and Dr. Fraiser and Major Carter had pulled up the adjoining cot to sit on. A food tray was between them, and Carter was setting up the Life game board. On the other side of the privacy curtain, O'Neill was whistling loudly and rustling his paperwork too much to possibly be getting any work done.

Rose decided to go to college, and Dr. Fraiser and Carter decided on careers right away. Fraiser became a hairdresser and Carter became a teacher while Rose racked up student loans to astrophysicist. Carter giggled when Rose turned over the card, and Frasier cracked up.

O'Neill rustled his paperwork loudly and pointedly.

"Maybe I should have gone to medical school," Frasier muttered.

Carter shook her head. "No, think of all the student loans."

"And that's why I'm in the Air Force," Frasier said. She landed on a marriage square. "Oh hey! I can get married. Again. And not to a jerk. Who should I marry?"

"Daniel," Carter said. "Alien women love him. You've already got an alien daughter. Should work, right?"

"Daniel it is," Fraiser said, and put a little spouse in her car.

There was a sound of wordless outrage from the other side of the curtain. Carter and Frasier exchanged grins.

Rose said, in a low voice, "Isn't that kind of...well...Dr. Jackson –"

"Is a civilian and not subject to regulations regarding fraternization," Fraiser said loftily but just as quietly. "Your turn, Sam."

Carter also landed on the marriage square. "Hah! I also get a spouse. That means a second income. Who should I marry?"

"Teal'c," Rose said instantly. "Your kids would be super tall."

"Done," Carter said, and this time the outrage on the other side of the curtain might have been what the hell? before it was smothered.

And then Rose landed on the marriage square as well. "Me too! I bet we were all bridesmaids for each other."

"Definitely," Fraiser said. "So, who are you going to marry?"

Rose mused for a moment. "Jonas Quinn was pretty cute."

From the other side of the curtain all three ladies heard a muttered, "Fer cryin' out loud."

"Excellent choice." Frasier beamed. "And hey! Kids. I get - ooh, twins. Two boys."

"What are you going to name them?" Sam asked.

Frasier raised her voice deliberately. "Daniel Junior, obviously. And...George, after General Hammond."

Rose nodded. "Very nice. What about you, Major?"

"I haven't gotten any children yet." Carter moved her car a couple of spaces. "But if I did have them...I'd name a boy Jacob Mark, after my father. And I'd name a girl...after myself! Samantha Junior."

"Carter," O'Neill said, "you can't name your daughter after you."

"Sure you can, ma'am," Rose said. "Women did it all the time historically. Elizabeth would be the mother and her daughter would be called Lizzy or Betsy or Beth until she became an adult and married and had a new last name." She cleared her throat and added, "With all due respect, Sir."

The privacy curtain twitched aside. "How come no one wants to marry me or name their kids after me?" O'Neill arched an eyebrow at them.


Rose turned.

Dr. Jackson stood in the doorway, hands raised in a gesture of surrender. "If this is a bad time, I can come back later."

"On the contrary, Dr. Jackson," Frasier said smoothly, "we were just finishing up. Sergeant Edwards is well enough to be interviewed by you if you like."

Dr. Jackson sidled closer and saw the game board set up between the two cots. "Ah. Now it all makes sense. Who'd you marry, Sergeant?"

"Jonas Quinn," Carter said, "but don't worry, Fraiser married you."

Dr. Jackson raised his eyebrows at Frasier, who grinned and nodded in O'Neill's direction, and a smirk crossed Dr. Jackson's face ever so briefly. "Of course. Although, Jonas Quinn? Really, Sergeant? I'd think Corporal Edwards on SG-13 might have something to say about that."

"Indeed he might." Adam appeared in the doorway. He nodded at the others in the room. "Colonel O'Neill. Major Carter. Dr. Frasier. Dr. Jackson. Sergeant Edwards."

"At ease, Corporal," O'Neill said. "Your wife is fine. She was just colluding with Dr. Frasier and Major Carter to torture me while I'm injured."

Carter looked surprised. Had she not known Rose was married? Frasier knew, of course, since she had access to Rose's medical file and Adam was listed as her next-of-kin.

Fraiser finished boxing up the game and stood up. "Have a seat, Adam. It sounds like Rose has a fun story to tell."

O'Neill pushed aside his paperwork. "Do tell."

Rose sighed. "So, Major Lorne played football at the Air Force Academy..."

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