What He was Grateful For...

Patient note:

     Joseph has been attending mandatory counseling session for three months now. As it is November and close to Thanksgiving I will try to get him to open up to things he is grateful for.

I closed my file and looked up at Joe as he came in the door. Slunk in was more like it, shoulders hunched forward and a slightly sour expression on his face. I had tried calling him Joseph, but he adamantly refused to answer to it.

I watched with a carefully smooth expression as he took a seat across from me and folded his arms across his chest in a defensive way. I could tell today's session would not be an easy one. We continued to sit in silence a few moments as I watched him, and he watched me, fidgeting with the sleeve of his shirt.

"So Joe," I began, and I saw him tense automatically, "you have been coming to me for three months now." I could see him stifle a sigh and roll his eyes. I knew he would rather be anywhere than in therapy. All of them would rather be anywhere but here. "Tell me, do you think this is helping?"

Joe sat in stubborn silence, staring a hole into the carpet. I uncrossed and crossed my legs as I let him think.

"It will be Thanksgiving in a few days," I began again, "do you have any plans? Are you and the team going to get together?" I knew it would needle him, maybe enough to get him talking.

Joe's head jerked up at the mention of Thanksgiving and he looked at me, his clear eyes seemed to pin me to my chair.

"What on earth do I have to be grateful for?" he asked incredulously,  "What do any of us have to be grateful for? All of us except Steve have lost their family. We were recruited to this work without truly knowing what we were getting into. We get sent from hell hole to hell hole putting out fires around the world. For what? We put our lives on the line day in and day out for people who don't even know we exist. And David is dead. Tell me, councilor" his voice dripping with sarcasm  "just what do you think I should be grateful for?"

I looked at him for a long moment as he sat gripping the arms of the chair. "Can you think of nothing at all?" I asked quietly.

Joe seemed to look inwards for a while. Finally, though he seemed not to be aware that he was speaking, he said, "I'm grateful for Steve, Mark and Bryan. They are my family now."

I held back a sigh of relief at the words. "Anything else?" I quietly prodded.

"I'm grateful for my cat Kent. David let me keep him," Joe mumbled, his eyes moist, "I'm grateful for Jen, for all that she did for me after my brother died. I'm grateful for fast cars that help dull the pain. I'm grateful for..."

I sat quietly as Joe slowly began listing things he was grateful for.