Tired with all these for restful death I cry.
Kim stood in the darkness, it was the final one; the one that she saved for last. Tonight she would feel of her wrath and watch everything she held dear torn from her grasp. It was not enough for her life to be destroyed, she must know who it was; and why she were being punished. Kim had been very careful with this one, studied her for years. It was Jill Jensen now, not Jill Paqual, but it was the same woman, the same false veneer of kindness covering a vipers fangs.
Many of the others had died for what they had done, or had killed themselves, still others were now insane. Kim had orchestrated it to be this way.
Kim would let her live, to remain in the ruins of her once perfect life. Her husband, children, wealth and freedom were now to be destroyed.
Kim stood by as police officers converged on the house. Watched; as Jill was pulled into the night, arrested for a twenty year old murder. Kim only smiled an empty smile when Jill's eyes met hers, and recognition flashed for an instant before she was placed in a police car.
'I have my vengeance, and now there is no reason to continue on, no one to care if I live or die.'
Kim stepped out into the street, and pulled a small caliber pistol from her pocket.
Tired with all these from these would I be gone.
'I am coming David.'
Nestling the nose of the gun into her dark hair Kim looked on the world and her victory for the last time, and pulled the trigger.
(These lines are from Sonnet 66.)
1 comment:
I do like how you brought it all together, a continuous storyline with a coherent plot but just enough gaps and hints to keep your readers guessing.
Your verb tenses were sort of all over the place. You went subjunctive when you should have gone simple past, "why she was being punished" instead of "were being punished." Also some random and bizarre gratuitous use of "now". I like how you noted the name change of the victim to signify the passage of time. "Kim had orchestrated it to be this way" was all right at first, but on second glance it fell flat. Make it more concrete - what is "this way"? Maybe something like "Kim had orchestrated her game so she was the only piece left on the board" or "Kim had orchestrated the web so she was the only spider" or "Kim had scripted the drama and would stand victorious, Horatio among the dead". But still, that was awesome. You should collect all the stories in this storyline, edit them, and post the links in order somewhere as a short story. The different themes for each piece will make an interesting mix of style studies, technique studies, and an overall cool story.
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