Her skin was almost translucently pale; her hands thin and spidery, and she shivered in the stiff January wind that blew off of the ocean. 'Time's getting short,' she thought, and it wasn't just the sinking sun that crossed her mind. Eyes, the same color as the waves stared off into the distance; watching waves merge into horizon.
Beth wrapped her arms around herself and pulled her stocking cap closer about her bare head, the wind seemed to cut right through her as if she wasn't even there. Pretty soon she wouldn't be.
Soon enough, only the wind would remain.
(100)
2 comments:
I dig Beth, and a character with a countdown is always a very cool conflict to start with. Once again, the semi-colon usage is dubious at best. I like the details you focus on - the pale skin, the color of her eyes (without dipping into cliché). I feel like I don't know her all that well, though - I know where she is in life, and I have a faint sense of what she looks like, and she sounds wistful and pragmatic, but I'm not entirely sure if, in a room full of people in her basic circumstances, I could pick her out in a crowd.
I'm not skilled enough to comment on the intricacies of grammer, so I'll cut right to the chase: I love what you did with the imagery here. I can immediately sense the fact that Beth's ailment has eroded her like the wind and waves have eroded the shore.
From a reader's standpoint - catching how you reflected the character within the setting was subtle, but irrevocably rewarding. Good job.
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