The jelly was cool against her belly, but more important was the sound of a heart beating, faster than she’d ever heard before.
A child. A new life.
“It’s a girl,” the doctor said.
It’s a life, she thought. And she had a choice. Would she tell the father? Would she keep the girl? Or would she give the girl away?
3 comments:
An interesting use of the word jelly. I like the uniqueness.
I was a fan of the intro, but feel like there's no strong connections holding through the second half. The child is referred to something amazing - a life - and then just reduced to "the girl". Also, a describing a generic role of "the father" lacks much emotional value as well. I think throwing out a "Jimmy" or "Steve" would have conveyed the idea of the father-figure while giving the reader a little more insight to your character's relationship. The piece goes from the character experiencing something powerful to a narrator interjecting clinical views of the mother's situation in the last paragraph.
If you played by the rules and only took 60 seconds for this Oneword, then awesome.
@ Xylas - when I reread the post, I sensed the disconnection too.
When you go to the oneword site, there's a sixty-second countdown that runs on the bottom of the screen, and sometimes seeing your clock run down can certainly make you panic. Sometimes I check the time bar and my brain disconnects. Your comment totally helped, though.
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