She looked at all the children around her and smiled. She glanced around at her domain, the greenhouses. The benign and the dangerous lived there side by side, she was mistress to them all. She reveled in the smell of the fertilizer and the steady fall of rain. The slow growth of plants never bothered her, nor the lifetime that she had spent to make these greenhouses what they were.
She gave a thought to the plants that she wanted to bring in to make a part of her home when...
“Professor Sprout, the Venomous Tentacula has Longbottom again.”
(I know I have been doing a lot of characterization, but... (shrugs) and I know that my grammar is still weak but I am trying)
3 comments:
The last line was fantastic. More good characterization for a tertiary character who seems largely unexplored in fandom. Another random comma splice in there, but you'll learn.
As for the parenthetical at the end, characterization is an essential part of fiction writing, so working on it is good. Don't be apologetic or Luke-like about the grammar - take the criticism, run with it, and do your best to improve. (Note that on a previous post I fixed spelling errors when you pointed them out.)
P.S. The project this week is your choice! Try to keep it in the same format as last week's project, with the same tags. Enjoy your new power!
Luke-like?
in other words don't apologize, just try to do it better and fix the problem?
*taking the criticism hit, and grinning about it*
:)
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