She was a live wire, totally unpredictable and full of life. Here one minute and gone the next, she flitted through the world, riding the waves and basking in the desert heat. To capture her was an impossibility, she called down the stars and danced on the lightning. Her laughter was a thousand voices on the wind, her eyes mirroring all that had ever been and all that could ever be.
Hers was the blessing sought by all living below, calm winds, the gift of a child. Her smile was the sun and her tears the life of the world.
(please tell me if I have incorrectly labeled a post.)
4 comments:
This was well-done. Er, you misspelt goddess. But the description and metaphors, figurative language and imagery was amazing. My initial criticism is that the first sentence was a whole lot of telling and not a lot of showing. Even though, with 100 words as a limit, you tell more than you ordinarily would, my advice is show as much as possible. You showed so much here that it proves you can do it.
I would leave off "original character" and stick to "original" as a tag. So if something else is original but not a character, you can go with it.
P.S. Who is this character - what's her name and where is she from? (i.e. what are you/will you be working on that involves her?)
She actually does not have a name yet, she was an absolute spur of the moment creation, which is why it probably is not as strong as it could have been. But I have a feeling I will get much use out of her, at least when I have more time for writing.
How would I show more than tell? with how she interacts with others?
Showing more than telling is based on interaction and description. She was "here one minute and gone the next" could be: "she was in the sky, in the ocean, speeding through the trees from instant to instant." It shows god-like speed and energy without telling the reader it's god-like speed and energy.
Yay for inventing new characters, though.
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