Seek here again O sons of earth
pipe and branch to lead the way.
At mothers call we all shall come
to guide our brothers and show our worth.
Misty mountains lay ahead
guarded by the winds.
The road stretches on behind
showing where we've been.
Walk the way of those before
guided by the call.
Find at last O sons of earth
the place where men stand tall.
3 comments:
Hmmmm. I'm gonna have to ring one off of Jade and say that, while you have a good sense of traditional rhyme and meter, this entire poem is...abstract. It feels like I'm listening to a song from another culture, and I understand none of the emotion or story behind it. Why do branches lead the way? "Mothers" may or may not be mis-punctuated, but who or what is mother, and what does her call sound like? Who are "our brothers" and what is their worth? Where have "we" been? What is "the way of those before"? The place where men stand tall sounds awesome, but what does it look like/feel like/take to get there?
If you answer some of these questions, you could come up with a fairly awesome epic poem, I should think.
I can see where you are coming from. The first stanza was in fact written so long ago, I had forgotten having written it until I found it a while ago, but it seemed so incomplete. This morning, clouds and mist were covering the mountains, so that is where the rest of the poem came from. I can see how to others it would seem more obscure, when to my mind, it makes sense. The pipe comes from Scottish music, and that leads to the branch, representing heritage. Mother, again, is a reference to heritage. I suppose much of this poem has to do with feeling connected to ones history.
I really dig your traditional style... but since the story you're trying to paint is so vague, I am having a hard time connecting as a reader. Your heart's in the right place, I just need a face, a place inside of this story. I agree with Nagi about the epic feel to it as well.
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