Original Tell: Xin would never betray her crew
Showing:
Xin grunted in pain as the armored man used her as a punching bag, She gasped as she felt a rib break, squeezing her eyes closed against the pain.
“Tell me where they are and this will stop,” the Lord said from the far side of the room.
Xin shook her head slowly, another pointed refusal. She raised her drooping head and looked at the Lord. Defiance flashed in her eyes and she spit in his direction.
Xin braced herself for the blow she knew would come, metal slashing through flesh.
“Death before betrayal,” were Xin's last words.
3 comments:
You totally showed that she would never, ever, betray her crew. Well done. Do you feel the difference now, between telling and showing? Granted, showing can be done in less, but do you feel it? It seems like you get it. It's like the difference between concrete and abstract in poetry. Concrete is showing; abstract is telling.
Yay for improvement!
yes I can feel the difference, and I like the power, and the intensiveness of showing rather than telling.
yes indeed, Yay for improvement.
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